Thursday, April 2, 2009

Check The Date

No way in HELL would I ever re-up. You must be out your damn mind, son. Let me reiterate something for you.



Article I.
I am an American short-timer. I serve in the forces into which I was so carelessly drafted/enlisted/recalled/stop-lossed. I am prepared to leave them at the time so designated by the Department of the Army, or sooner if at all possible.

Article II.
I will never extend or re-enlist of my own free will. If I am in command, I will never allow my fellow short-timers to fraternize with the lifers.

Article III.
If I am called before the Commanding Officer, I will continue to resist his re-enlistment talks by all means available. I will make every effort to escape.

Article IV.
If I should become the victim of an involuntary extension, I will keep the faith with my fellow short-timers. If I am the shortest, I will assume command; if not, I will obey the shortest.

Article V.
When questioned, should I become the object of a re-enlistment interview, I am bound to give only my name, rank, service number, date of birth and date I am due to be discharged.

Article VI.
I will never forget that I am an American short-timer, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which have made carefree, happy civilians out of thousands of short-timers before me.

Never give in.


  1. Those of us who have been reading you since the beginning didn't have any doubts that yesterday was a April Fools. Still, it made me pause a little at first, for about 2 seconds. It was a good one.

  2. Brilliant.

    Now, on to the 7 core...?

  3. Now I just have to wonder, if so many believed you, why weren't all of your readers screaming at you for being an idiot for that post? If I had thought you were serious, you would have been getting a very irked phone call and a sore ear for it (but you know that already)

    C'mon guys, talk some sense into him if you know its a dumbass thing to do! He can take it! :P

    Hell, I'm still considering driving up there and AWOLing you myself. We'll get a house and you can live in the basement. Nobody will ever know....


    (cept shit, now there's evidence. Damn.)

  4. lol..... its funny....i dont know if anyone will admit being fooled.....about half were i would bet....

  5. You're still an asshole. ;)

  6. Dude, you enlisted. How were we to know you didn't have a relapse? z

  7. "Dude, you enlisted. How were we to know you didn't have a relapse?"

    Because he is an older and much wiser Suspect than he was when he originally signed.

  8. just so you all know, he's had this planned for the last six months or so...

    i was hoping this whole stop loss thing was part of it. =(

  9. Did you ever read Catch 22 (Joseph Heller). An oldie but goodie.

  10. Didn't believe you for a second. Not even a nano-second. Are you really stop-lossed though? That still might keep me from getting recalled, so I hope it's true. (For me, as it's all about me, all the time)

  11. Re the relapse: I have a 22 year old. Granted, Suspect seems a bit ahead of the curve, but I have learned not to expect rational behavior. In fact, that is just the sort of move she would do for real, based on whim-of-the-moment. So yes, I wasn't sure, but I feared the worst.

  12. come on guys.... as if reuping and staying army is the worst thing one could do.... you all are acting like being a soldier now adays is horrible and wrong... does the army fuck people...YES.... are they different from way back when... NO..... other then the occasional bomb, the army isnt that bad.... sure you have to roll with the punches here and there but you do that everywhere.... right???

  13. nught,

    for the person who has served his sentence, and desperately wants out, reupping IS the worst thing that person can imagine. it is sentence, like a conviction, to endure the thing longer than what would be considered fair. if this is how business decisions were in the real world, Mark Teixiera would still be an Angel right now. When his contract ended, he wouldn't have been able to cash in for the Skankee big bucks, but would have been stop lossed into staying with the Angels at league minimum salary. Truth is, that just doesn't happen ANYWHERE, and it sucks ass.

    but, for the career guy, and one who enjoys living off the expense of tax payers and avoiding the real world (which, admittedly, ain't looking too good right now), some might not be able to see the appeal of wanting to be free from that noose.

    cheers, bro. stay safe.

  14. Hey Suspect,
    You prankster you! I particularly like Article II of the Short-Timer's Code, "I will never extend or re-enlist of my own free will." Three years my arse! You really shouldn't mess with your cheerleader like that! I am glad to see your sense of humor is still in good working order. Take care Ryan.

  15. 13 i agree with some of what you have said but not all....

    "for the person who has served his sentence, and desperately wants out, reupping IS the worst thing that person can imagine. it is sentence, like a conviction, to endure the thing longer than what would be considered fair."

    were you speaking of stop loss or reupping here... if your talking about stop loss being a sentence or conviction, then i agree 100% with you.... if your talking about reupping.... well then thats different... reenlistment is voluntary..... so no i dont see it as a sentence or conviction or something longer then what would be considered fair.....

    "but, for the career guy, and one who enjoys living off the expense of tax payers and avoiding the real world"

    i hope you werent talking about me here.... yes im a career soldier.... but i dont enjoy living the army life.... i dont enjoy have to deal with incompetent leaders in a war zone while lives are at stake... i dont like being put in situations that a boy scout could see would be tactically wrong....

    i didnt like your wording here either..... you make it seem as if being a career soldier is in someway an injustice to tax payers.... as if im taking advantage of them in someway... im not on a free ride at the tax payers expense and you know that....

    the notion that a im avoiding the real world also is erronously charged... i hate army life... i hate having to put up with the lack of freedom and expression... you insinuate that the real world is worse then the world im currently living in, and that im almost hiding from civilian life because of its rigors... that couldnt be further then the truth... im a smart guy with college under my belt... i know i could get a good job in the civilain sector... i know that if i were to devote a 12-18 months to learning arabic, i would be fluent enough to work for most if not all government agencies and make bank.... i also know that when deciding whether or not to reup or get out, there are other factors that are to be considered.... if i were single i would leave this job hands down no questions asked... but im not single... i have a wife and three kids that i have to consider... in the long run doing 12 more years after this enlistment is the best option for my family.... there security and well being in the long run would be better served if i were to retire out of the military.... i sacrifice my happiness and my well being for their future.... thats the plight of a good father... every family has to weight their options differently, these are the chooses that my family and me have made...

    stop loss sucks for everyone affected...

    reuping should only be done by those who plan on making a career out of the army... after you reup once your almost half way towards retirement...

    i still love you bro and keep doing what your doing...


  16. You actually hd me going for the time to hit the Post Comment button until my brain finally clicked in with WHAT THE FUCK!!

  17. nught, I didn't read your whole response yet. I will. just wanted to quick comment that NONE of it is an attack on you. I respect you mightily for what you have done, and the way you rationally think.

    more later.

  18. try suing your way out

  19. hey suspect, it was a good gag you had me. i just wanted to say that i hope things work out for ya. no matter what happens though you have my deepest thanks for what you have done.


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